It's Wednesday, and it's trash day. Today's manners post is about not being a jerk to the people who pick up your trash. I was noticing in my neighborhood this morning how people, in general, respond in one of two ways to the men and women who are collecting their rotten banana peels, dog shit, coffee grounds, used tissues, and recycled vodka bottles. They either ignore them altogether, or they act mildly irritated by their intrusion into the neighborhood. Why is this? It's a dirty job, but somebody has to do it. And you'd be better be glad they do. Anybody in New York during the garbage collectors' strike?
I've always been averse to a hierarchy of treatment toward others. Why should I treat my doctor with respect and my trash collector with disdain? Both offer valuable services. Why should I coo over my hair stylist and tip him lavishly and treat the woman at the dry cleaner with bitter impatience. Oh god, maybe I'm a socialist. Or Danish.
Whatever. I suppose I do have egalitarian tendencies. One of my mother's favorite quotes is, "There but for the grace of God go I." (She's also fond of saying, "If you're too lazy to make the bed, why not just stay in it?") But it's really my father who lives by this creed. He treats everyone--pharmacist to farmer--with the same degree of respect. I worked for a while, when I lived in Hollywood, for a TV celebrity. He used to run out when the garbage collectors rolled up and dole out hundred dollar bills to each of them. And he'd say to me, "No one ever shows appreciation for what they do." Now, I'm not suggesting we all start tipping the trash men. But I do try to remind myself daily that one day I could be the garbage collector, or the waiter, or the person mowing your yard. When I walk through the park, if I speak to my neighbor who owns the local gift shop, I also try to speak to the guy who sleeps on the bench.
Sure, there are days when I'm rude and impatient. But if it's one of those days, I don't pick favorites. I'm as rude to the banker as I am to store clerk or the garbage collector.
So spend one day--tomorrow maybe?--paying attention to how you dole out patience and kindness. Do you treat your peers at work with deference and the maintenance workers with indifference? If so, let me introduce you to my dad.
